Homework #2 - journaling

I just wrote a whole bunch and then went to check a text and most it all!

Ok. Tony has now asked me to start journaling. I am excited to restart this habit add I used to really enjoy journaling.

I have to keep a special focus on the SugarLady, the terrible sugar monster I have been in a relationship with fkr the last 31 years and I also have to take note of the times that I value myself and the times I don't.

Letting SugarLady have her way with me is because I don't believe I deserve better. But, SugarLady isn't the boss of me. I'm the boss of her!

I'm sitting at a Starbucks drinking horrible tea and listening to horrible music because I had a gift card and I have 2 hours to kill before my massage appointment. That is something I am doing fkr myself. But, mostly because of the gift certificate sis got me last year for my birthday.

Anyway, I just thought of something that feels kind of huge and makes a lot of sense. I look forward to SugarLady! She's something to look forward to. A bright spot in my dreary day. I think about her all the time and when we are finally together it feels comfortable and exciting.

I have a constant count of what story of sweet thing I have on hand, at home, what might be somewhere. I get sad if something runs out or defensive and angry if someone eats what I was planning on eating. I'm already planning on eating. Something to look forward to and to control it's happening.

Now I need to find other things to look forward to that I could do instead of going at with SugarLady.

Writing
Jewelry making
Healthy cooking
Coloring
The doodle book
Reading
A tv show
Dates with Katie

I need to take food off my priority list. I'm obsessed with food and what I am eating and what I'm NOT eating.

Sugar makes me happy. That's ok. 
It is ok that sugar makes me happy.
Lots of things make me happy.